sooo this one's about friends. i've felt challenged to make close friends since middle school.
sure, i had best friends in elementary school. sure, i have many, many friends over the years, like good friends. lots of acquaintances. but one thing i’m missing in my life is great friends (and my wife doesn’t count).
but i just find it challenging to make great friends and maintain those relationships.
especially in moving regions, from the Bay Area to Los Angeles (2009), then to Scotland (2020).
the main reasons:
i struggle being vulnerable
i don’t invest enough in nurturing friendships
for me, staying in touch by phone or online doesn’t work as well as seeing people in person (which has been harder the past 10 years with a family, moving, pandemic)
i always thought that i was really the odd person, but no,
i just spoke to a close male friend and he also struggled with having great friends. he says heard that and again, for men, it is more of a struggle. how common is this? turns out VERY.
Apparently, research has shown it’s hard for guys to find friends.
especially the last few years, it’s becoming more important to have that support system. it’s was very overwhelming; between like babies and kids and then moving to the UK and pandemic.
now it feels right to really focus on making some great friends. I’m making the time to reconnect with old friends and make new ones.
🤪
AIR
Aaron, really good thoughts. Have you come across Robin Dunbar's latest book "Friends"? I think you'll find it insightful. There are mechanics to it that I never believed mattered. We tend to discount how easy it was when we were younger to meet and keep friends.
Very honest and nice post! I am in a similar situation :) Maybe all men (and most females) are...(?) I guess, if you have an ambitious profession life, working a lot, in combination with family and kids, and the need for some time on your own, then there is not enough hours left during the day to nurture friends outside of work :/